I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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