Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize