Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
