There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize