I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
