Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
