So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
