Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
