We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
