Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
