ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
