dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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