she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
