I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
