my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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