the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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