Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
