You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
worst night to have a conscience
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
