I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
