you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize