This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
