So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
