Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
