we're chasing vodka with high fives
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
