It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize