Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
