he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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