I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
