I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
