I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
