The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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