i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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