Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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