So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
