Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize