he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
