wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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