She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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