So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
