I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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