facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
