It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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