I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
