the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
love makes seman taste better
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
