when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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