I think my fart just growled at me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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