i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
