I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
