1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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