So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize