I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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