I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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