Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
