Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
