You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
