hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
