How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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