i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
