There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
