Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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