I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so let's talk penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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