You can't special order awesome
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
