Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think my moral compass just broke
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
