i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize