it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Enjoy the penises
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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