I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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