You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
May the power of my ass compel you!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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