dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
