the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am naked and annoyed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
