I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
