Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
