a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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