oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
