I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize