Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
