I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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