guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
