I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
